Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
