I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
