your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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