I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want nice things and good sex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
