Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
