I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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