Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
