Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
