I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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