and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
