There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
