As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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