I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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