jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im holly from the hills drunk
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
