My room smells like vodka and shame
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
