I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
