What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
