I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
