I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hippo gnu deer
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How naked do you want me to be?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
