Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
