It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
