don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We got so high we made milksteak
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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