My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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