I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Randomize
