im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
