All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
