now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
