At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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