halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
