My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
