im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
