one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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