Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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