So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
