either way he was missing a nipple.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
