I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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