I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
