You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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