She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
