I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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