Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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