If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
