is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
