I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
