Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
