Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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