I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
