Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
