So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
