remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
