Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
