im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
