she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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