well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
