Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
