So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
