Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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