You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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