Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
