She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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