On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
